The Dodge and Weave

I groaned even before I read the question out loud, “What is your biggest fear?”

It was a random question pulled from a deck of ‘table topics’ – one of those annoying icebreaker games used at networking events to spark interesting conversation. Not my typical shtick, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. (SEEMED, being the operative word.)

Until that point in the evening, two of my dear friends, my significant other, his 18 year-old daughter and I sat around the table after a Labor Day barbecue, enjoying a few bottles of wine and a lively conversation. The question turned me sideways.

My internal chatter jumped several decibels as I scrambled for a response, “Do I answer honestly? Will answering ‘getting out of bed’ throw up too many red flags?”

I landed back in the moment when the youngest person at the table announced, “The fear of being judged -- at least that’s mine.” I sucked in my breath amazed and impressed with her honesty. No guile, no bullshit, just the truth.

Now mind you, this is an 18-year-old woman preparing to start her freshman year at a top university. She represents the picture of accomplishment, thus far. Her potential waits for its close-up as she starts her next journey. And, she worries about what others think.

I hold a good 25 years on her chronologically, yet AT MY AGE, I know that same fear intimately. It expands and contracts as the year’s progress, but it always shows up.

I mustered a lame-ass, “Ditto,” as I felt my response land on the table and splatter a few things around me, such as my snarky, sassy façade and my freakish need for control.

I realized then my ‘dodge and weave’ routine was back and in fine form. It’s my own (perfected) version of hiding from myself by criticizing things around me. I come out swinging when I feel vulnerable, threatened, or in situations that require me to take the road less traveled. (Which is sort of ridiculous because I grew up on the road less traveled.) Part of me wants so much to fit in, pick the path of least resistance, and blend, but my DNA refuses to accommodate the desire.

Perhaps, at this juncture you wonder, “WTF -- Is a point buried in this sad and sorry navel-gazing exercise? Did this whack-job read a Louise Hay book over the weekend? Shut up, already!

 My apologies – I tend to bury my lead, it’s an annoying writing quirk of mine. So, here’s the punch line:  I realized fear drove the narrative of my last blog and my surly attitude toward network marketing. By all means, let me mock and then lament the misfortune of arriving at this professional’s door before anyone else can.  Let me judge first, before anyone else offers, perhaps, a snide judgment of me.

Exactly, how many times must I learn the same lesson before it sticks?

Or, the better question looks like this: When do I stop worrying about what others think of me?  I wish my world behaved in a more restrained manner, but my life is messy and complicated and jeepers, not anything like I envisioned when I was 18, but whose is? 

My Life as a Network Marketer

“I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?”

Cameron Crowe’s Jerry Maguire

Trust me when I tell you ‘network marketer’ was not on my short list of professions. Pulitzer prize winning author, Broadway actress, fabulous talk show host, maybe, but a network marketer? Not so much. In fact, I find nothing more satisfying than mocking this profession and the ‘if you think it, you can be it!!’ mentality of the stereotypical independent business owners who litter the direct selling/ network marketing/ multi-level marketing landscape.

You know the ones—they skulk about Starbuck’s and feign ‘normalness’ as they compliment your haircut and lull you into a false sense of camaraderie before they POUNCE on you with their pitch, “Gee—you seem really sharp. I wonder if you might be interested in learning about a business opportunity?”

You think to yourself, “You poor son-of-a-bitch. Things must REALLY be bad for you,” You take a moment and send a prayer up to the heavens, “Oh, but for the grace of God goes I.” And, then you snap to it, eyeball the nearest EXIT sign and curse yourself for making eye contact with this perfect, and quite possibly, deranged stranger in the first place. You mumble some half-assed excuse about fetching a non-existent child from school and dart to the door as fast as possible. (Or, am I the only one that reacts that way?)

I didn’t think so. That’s why I find the irony of my current situation wholly irritating.

You see, in a wacky twist of fate this past February I found myself (for the second time) actively seeking information about a company who happens to distribute its product through a direct selling model.  I struggle to describe how badly I wanted to discredit the company and/ or the industry, so I could just simply walk away from it. To say ‘I did my due diligence’ is analogous to saying Bernstein and Woodward investigated the Republican party a few years back.  After my ridiculously thorough quest to disprove the model, I turned up empty-handed. F-CK!  The business actually made a lot of sense.

So, much to my chagrin, I ‘signed-up’ and began a love/ hate relationship with the industry ever since. I hate it for the obvious reasons:

1. Telling someone you’re a ‘network marketer’ is akin to telling someone you’re a crack addict. It’s a showstopper. In fact, it’s surefire way to repel people from you.
2.  The stereotypical network marketer appears freakishly happy. I am a latchkey kid whose favorite after-school television show was a little ditty called The Watergate Senate Investigation. I’m skeptical of all people, especially the freakishly happy.
3.   Direct selling depends on the notion of ‘duplication.’ Just follow the road map and duplicate what works. No thank you! Where is the fun in that? I like to make things as complicated as possible.
4.  Uber-annoying clichés abound like ‘we’re not selling, we’re sharing’. Bullshit. I pay professionals good money when I want to share. This IS business.
5. No special experience or education required! Perfect. I spent a lot of heartache, time and money acquiring my experience and education. Imagine my delight in not needing any of it now.
6. All you need is a willingness to be ‘coachable.’ Spare me-- I stopped being coachable in 1972. I like to figure things out for myself, and  (as mentioned in point 3) only after I’ve complicated it as much as possible.
7. And, perhaps the top reason I hate it is because I currently SUCK at it. Full-on suckage. I bring new meaning to the phrase, ‘failing forward.”

So – why, pray tell, torture myself, and more importantly you with this latest endeavor? Is there anything redeeming about this this god-forsaken industry? (Aside from providing me with oodles of fodder for this blog.) Let’s just say I can’t argue with the following information:

1. For all my bitter, cynical, sarcastic, David Sedaris-loving pessimism, I still want the God Damned American Dream that everyone promised me. And, may I just say, I earned the damn thing (twice) fair and square. (And, so did a lot of other people I know.) 
2. I want the aforementioned dream packaged in a way that does not mandate me to compromise my personality, ethics, or professional standards.
3. Let me reiterate, I am a child of Watergate. Early in my life, the men made a fine mess of things. Thank God for Helen Reddy who entered my psyche on my school-bus ride via my round, red, portable radio. I actually believed it when she sang, "If I had to, I could do anything."
4. And, my mom unwittingly demonstrated this when life shoved her back into the workforce; alone with four children to raise. Straight-up -- that woman fucking figured it out. She taught me well.
5. A network marketing business model (when ethically executed) is rock-solid. It is a painfully straightforward way to earn a living. 
6.  I don’t exactly have people banging down my door with job offers. As a matter of fact, right now I’m listening to the garbage truck make its usual afternoon rounds around my neighborhood. To say, “I work from home” is significantly understated.

So, to my 17 loyal readers of Expert on Time, I’m ‘re-scoping’ my usual beauty content, but rest assured, I have not walked away from the beauty industry! Oh, contraire! And, to my new readers: welcome. If you have an issue with snark or profanity just walk away now. It’s how I cope. Plus, the Chicken Soup shtick has been done to death.

Make yourself at home and get ready to laugh while I fail forward, or become ridiculously wealthy in the wonky world of network marketing. Or, maybe I’ll do both. I promise you, whatever happens, you will always get the real deal from me. Honesty is not one of my issues – diplomacy, yes. Honesty- nope. 

True Confessions -- EOT Succumbs

I find it utterly unbelievable that, almost concurrently, I review an article on the new organic beauty standards set forth by Whole Foods, and my newly “Botoxed” frown lines in the mirror. (Are they gone yet?)

Yes – you read right. Little Miss Holier-Than-Thou underwent “work.” The old me (as in 10 hours ago) used to espouse the philosophy of:

“I exist above Botox and its kind. Americans spend too much time and attention on maintaining their elusive grip on youth. I lack the desire to run with that crowd.”

Not so much. Not only did I run, I sprinted. It took a simple gal-pal event called Spa Soiree, held in Chicago, a bad glass of chardonnay, and $75 for me to receive my first injection. What can I say? My girlfriend signed up for it and, in a lemming-like fashion, I followed her cue.

Technically it was not Botox.  It was a new and improved version of it called Dysport. Still a neurotoxin and a paralytic, only better! It lasts longer.

Now-- not only did I crumble and undergo the procedure, but I also underwent it in PUBLIC with a bunch of other women who waited in line after me and bore witness to my oh-so-personal event. Meanwhile, up in heaven, my mother and Jacqueline Kennedy sadly shook their heads at my indiscreet behavior.

I must admit, there exists a giddy thrill when you engage in the forbidden. Like going to third base when you were in high-school and then jabbering with your friends for hours after the event.

“I can’t believe I did it! Do I look different? Can you tell a difference. Yes, you can? I knew it.”

Perhaps I completely entered into the rationalization realm, but after all these years of dumping the national healthcare budget into my skincare products why not just try the damn procedure? So, Dysport consists of a chemical cocktail? Big deal. I survived through cyclamates, saccharine, and NutraSweet seemingly unscathed. (Sort of.) And, those concoctions make Dysport look like a damn health food.

I still struggle amongst my “selves” about tossing aside my natural philosophy so easily, but do I care? No.

At least not right now. Life’s little pleasures come few and far between, so I grab them when I find them. And, it shows testament to what happens when you let a bunch of women loose around chardonnay, spa services, and syringes. 

The Truth Exposed: Drugstore versus Department Store Brands

In our previous episode, my make-believe Virginia asked a seemingly innocent question:

“Is there truly a difference between a drugstore and department store cosmetic brand?”

The short answer: Yes, there is a difference between a drugstore (mass) product and a prestige (class) product.

I, of course, made her suffer through an industry primer on “Who owns whom”, so she fully appreciated the enormity of the question she asked. For instance, L’Oreal corporation owns more than 15 brands including: Lancôme, Kiehl’s, Maybelline, Redken, and Yves Saint Laurent.

The only reason we care a wit about who owns a cosmetic company is to better understand who funds the research and development of the company’s products. Technological advancement and innovative “recipes” drive this hyper-competitive industry. Hence, innovation comes at a higher price. Just like the newest piece of computer technology pulls in the loot, so does a fancy new molecular delivery system in a moisturizer.

Review any of the major players’ annual reports and you’ll see the same strategic theme: Technological innovation and increased investment in research and development.

For instance, Estee Lauder’s New Advanced Night Repair holds 20 patents worldwide and was “inspired by 25 years of ground-breaking DNA research.” The Advanced Night Repair ad states, “Estee Lauder scientists now re-invent skin repair with the age defying power of our exclusive Chronolux technology.”

Why in the hell would cosmetic companies go to such extreme lengths to develop a better wrinkle cream? Easy – supply and demand. According to Estee Lauder’s Fiscal 2010 annual report, “The demographics driving our business are strong and getting stronger. Research shows that by 2015, global women’s purchasing power is expected to increase by $5 trillion and beauty is the category these consumers are most likely to spend money on after food and clothing.” TRULY amazing information, and, admittedly, I constitute one of the consumers who treats the beauty category as a top three priority for her cash expenditures.

Mass and class products resemble one another, but they possess differences that separate them from each other. Think of it this way: If you placed a piece of Godiva and Hershey’s chocolate side by side and reviewed the ingredients you’d likely find the same ones listed for each. Same ingredients equals same product, right? Nope. Three things influence the outcome: the technological advancements used, the grade (read, quality) of the ingredients, and the combination of the ingredients. Hypothetically, Godiva employs a higher grade of ingredient, so the taste outpaces that of a Hershey’s chocolate bar, even through the “recipes” might look deceptively similar.

However, let me clarify one thing for you. I rail against many of the over-packaged and over-priced “innovations” that fetch anywhere from $150 to $1500. Especially when I read the ingredients and see nothing but chemicals. If you want to plunk down that kind of money then get the damn plastic surgery and call it a day.

So, the tired and clichéd adage of “you get what you pay for” plays well for this conversation, balanced with a healthy dose of “buyer beware.”  

Who Owns Whom -- Virginia learns a holiday lesson

“Is there truly a difference between a drugstore and department store cosmetic brand?”

“Yes Virginia, there is.”

“I knew it.”

“However, this week I can’t tell you why.”

“WHY NOT??”

"You asked a complex question, and it demands a step-by-step explanation. Our world of powder and paint didn’t materialize without some help from the mergers and acquisitions’ departments of Estee Lauder, L’Oreal, and their brethren. Hence, to know of a brand is one thing, but to know its parent company is another.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about context, my dear. You need to understand the context of each brand before you can understand and appreciate the differences.”

“Huh?”

“Darling, these are major life lessons and cannot be rushed.  So, we start with lesson number one: who owns whom? Strategic alliances and acquisitions built the cosmetic departments we know and love, so I must explain the complex family trees first, before we can move further into the cosmetic kingdom.

Virginia, come now, wipe that puzzled look off your face. You didn’t think Benefit owned Benefit, and Dior owned Dior, did you?  My darling Virginia, I fear I might burst your lip-gloss bubbles as I deliver this industry primer to you. These companies are not independently owned and operated. For instance, the MAC mascara you love and the traditional Estee Lauder brand you eschew are, in fact, owned by the same company. To put a sharper point on it – Estee Lauder owns MAC. My young, naïve thing -- the makers of Estee Lauder’s Youth Dew also manufacturer the edgy MAC Liquidlast Liner you love. For God’s Sake Virginia, stop crying. You wanted to know all this, right?

For all practical purposes, the cosmetic world breaks down into three big players. The three musketeers? Estee Lauder Corporation, L’Oreal and Louis Vuitton Moet Hennessey (LVMH).

They own practically everything. And, if they don’t, they’ll acquire it soon enough. Let’s take a closer look at each, shall we? We begin with Estee Lauder Corporation: the strategic erudite of the industry. Mrs. Lauder’s son, Leonard Lauder, used the philosophy of “why build it when you can buy it?” Hence, the corporation deftly amassed an enviable brand portfolio.

At last glance, Estee Lauder Corporation owns more than 17 brands including: its name sake, Clinique, MAC, Bobbi Brown, Origins, Crème de Le Mer and Jo Malone. The corporation developed or acquired quite the well-rounded portfolio. N’est pas?

Now think about a cosmetic department – Lauder Corportion might produce 50% - 60% of the department’s volume. Crazy, huh Virginia?

On to L’Oreal: these folks bring you L’Oreal (because I’m worth it), Lancôme, Kiehl’s, Maybelline, Shu Uemura, Redken and Yves Saint Laurent (YSL).  L’Oreal prefers to diversify across drug and department store brands. The former is typically referred to as “mass” and the latter “class.”  This begs the question: Are the deceptively similar L’Oreal and Lancôme mascaras the same formula? No. They’re not -- but more on that topic next week.

And, finally the third musketeer: LVMH -- the proud owners of Sephora, Dior, Guerlain, Givenchy, Fresh, and Benefit. Isn’t it the bomb when you own a cosmetic store (Sephora) to promote your own cosmetic brands? How darn convenient is that?? Now Virginia, what say you?”

“Who knew?”

“That’s wholly unoriginal. I pour forth this plethora of information and all you say it who knew?”  

“Who owns Smashbox?”

“Estee Lauder.”

“Giorgio Armani?”

“L’Oreal.”

“Zowie!”

“I know  . . . it’s a lot to absorb in one lesson. So, my dear Virginia, you rest now. Next week we’ll venture forth into your original question. But, for now I bid you adieu and leave you to enter a cosmetic department with a savvier perspective and a sharper appreciation of strategic alliances.”

My Stash -- Another personal outing

I recently worked with an Expert on Time follower to streamline her skincare routine. Via e-mail we reviewed what she currently used, and what she considered buying.

EOT's Laboratory

I sat stunned as I reviewed the e-mail. How in the hell could this beautiful, brilliant young woman slap all those products on her skin without gaining weight? We reworked her skincare routine, subtracted steps, and added the proper products. After I considered the lunacy of her layers, I walked into my own laboratory (read, bathroom) and opened my medicine cabinet. The cliché of “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” popped into my head.

So, this week I out myself once again and reveal my stash. Now here’s the irony of the whole situation: in my effort to go “green”, I recently whittled my skincare routine down to four products: Bee Rescued Moisturizer and eye cream, Korres Quercetin Oak Age Reversing Face Primer and their Watermelon Tinted Moisturizer.  Bam – that’s it.

My make-up routine sucks up more time. I use approximately 13-15 products on my skin, only to look like I have no make-up on. For someone who spends her life wandering cosmetic departments and specialty stores, I look perfectly beige. (Aside from a zippy lip color.)

And the kicker – I most often wear running gear and this ridiculous bright pink, red, orange, purple and yellow tousled hat. My idea of “dressed up” equates to black tights and a sweater dress (usually black).

There -- now you know. I’m not a glam-a-rama woman. (My therapist thought it important I come clean with you.) The point of my “outing”?  Skincare and cosmetics is not an “all or nothing” proposition. Take 5 minutes or take 30 minutes for your daily routine, but take the time. Be selfish. Go crazy, lock the bathroom door, and revel in some fun!

Happy Holidays to all (if you celebrate) and see you next week!

Sun, Sangria, and Stress -- What happened to my skin?

“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”

Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel

Coco Chanel’s edict spoke the truth. If you indulged in too much sun, sangria, and stress then you face a complexion that mocks you in the mirror.  Perhaps, your mirror dialogue sounds like this:

“I told you to stay out of the sun.”

“It’s the chardonnay, not the sun”

“It’s the sun, and the chardonnay. By the way, you need to drink more water, and stop ‘sort of’ taking off your make up at night.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Fine then.”

“Bitch”

“Right back at you, sweetie.”

And, the head chatter drones on and on, but even the best internal fistfights can’t undo what your face faced all these years. Too many environmental aggressors already took their toll. Some of you might find this old news, but some conjecture 80% of our aging results from the environment and our lifestyle. Hence, the cosmetic industry’s anti-age category sits as the fastest growing.

A few months ago, I cracked. I spend way too much time applying layer after layer of product every morning and evening. It takes too long and this regime excludes my hair care program, and make up application. And, I work alone, most times facing nothing, but a computer screen. I’m not parading up and down a fashion runway for God sake. Who cares what I look like? Well – I do. There, I said it.

So, this week we review anti-aging creams, a true passion of mine.

The hunt for the “one cream” turned into a frustrating and expensive endeavor. While a cream gets billed as the wonder cure, the sales person then brings out: the serum, toner, eye products, and separate night cream. And, let’s not forget the targeted treatments. Ultra concerned about lines and wrinkles?  Use this spot treatment serum IN ADDTION to: the, toner, eye products, serum, and night cream. Deep sigh.

The good news, I found a FABULOUS product for $12.99. The bad news? I found a fabulous product for $98. And, if you really want to make a fool of yourself go ahead and spend $600 for a “volumizing serum” guaranteed to change your life.  

What defines a “wonder cream”? The product needs to moisturize, protect, firm, smooth wrinkles, and accommodate a sensitive skin.  I choose the winners using three filters: I wore each product for 30 days, thoroughly researched each product by reviewing academic journals and tallied the number of “gee, what are you using on your skin?’ questions. So, I give you the short list:

The Winner: Kinerase Restructure Firming Cream

I LOVE this product. This cream delivers on its name. It firms, it smoothes wrinkles, it deeply moisturizes and protects the skin. Although you’ll hear otherwise it makes a great stand-alone cream. (Be alert to salespeople who want to sell you all the accouterments.)

Kinerase describes the benefits: of the Restructure Cream this way:

LOXL Stimulator, an innovative plant extract, is known to reinforce elastin to lift and firm skin. The multi-action peptide complex of SNAP-8, Argireline®, and Leuphasyl® reduces the look of wrinkles. Formulated with 0.15% Kinetin, which retains moisture in the skin. TRANSLATION: This cream means business.

Price Point: $98.00

Retailer: Sephora and Nordstrom

Runner Up #1: Bee Rescued Moisturizing Cream

I LOVE, LOVE this product. Why? One word: propolis. Propolis is a natural ingredient derived from beehive resins. Its anti-inflammatory and protective benefits shelter and improve the skin like none other. 

Bee Rescued Cream contains a high concentration of propolis, so you receive maximum protection from environmental aggressors and maximum repair benefits, without a bunch of chemicals. This cream stands the purity test. You can eat it in a pinch. It fell out of the winning spot because it lacks the big hit of firming benefits Kinerase delivers. (Please note: Apply this cream on perfectly dry skin, as in not damp, and continue to massage the cream until it completely emulsifies.)

Benefits of Honey.com states:

Propolis contains rich amino acids, important for immune system function. It includes high vitamin content (Vitamin A (carotene), Vitamin B1, B2, B3, biotin) and is extremely rich in bioflavonoids (Vitamin P), which are believed to have numerous immune building properties and health benefits.

Price Point: $12.99

Retailer: beerescued.com houses the most current nationwide retailers

Runner Up #2:  Korres Quercetin and Oak Age Reversing Night Cream

I LOVE this product, also. Overall, I love the Korres brand because just as Bee Rescued stands the purity test, so does this brand. This cream addresses the hit parade of aging ailments.

Korres describes its crown jewel this way:

Quercetin and Oak Age-Reversing Night Cream provides younger, firmer, more elastic skin after the first application while dramatically reducing wrinkles and restoring skin elasticity and firmness as well as providing intense nourishment and hydration. (Please note: although this states “night cream” you may use it during the day.)

Price Point: $52.00 (currently Korres offers 15% off this product on their website!)

Retailer: Sephora

For any of these products you MUST use a sunscreen over the cream, but find a foundation or tinted moisturizer that contains a sunscreen. Tarte makes a beautiful foundation, ReCreate SPF 15, and a tinted moisturizer, Smooth Operator SPF 20. Fabulous finishes with added skincare benefits.

Alas, we wrap up -- next week the holidays descend. I never find a way to turn down the volume of the season, but at least my skin (and yours) stays better protected from the assailants of the holidays. (Sans, the family. I can’t help there!)

Happy shopping.